Cid Highwind: A Legitimate Character Study
by Legitimate
Summary: Cid drunkenly rambles about the probable highlight of his romantic life.


Disclaimer: Belive it or not, Cid Highwind, Scarlet and FFVII itself are not property of me (I'm as shocked as you are), but of SqueEnix Inc. The story does contain sexual content, so if you're offended by that, good for you, but you have been warned.

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Oh, for fuck sake – another one? Listen, kid, unless whatever dumb-ass questions you got are about flying, go home. I'm not answering anything else. That fuckin' Reeve thought everybody needed some heroes to latch on to after that whole "meteor" thing. Well, mebbe, but he shoulda left me out of it. He was smart enough to downplay his own role just enough to be left alone, but then what does he do? He goes and calls me a #$&in' _hero_! Do I look like a fuckin' hero? I'm sitting in the single most dead-end bar on the fuckin' planet – I should know, I've been to 'em all – squinting at some hero-worshippin' little kid 'cause my eyesight keeps unfocusin'…by the way, d'you want a beer? Have a beer. It'll taste like piss, but don't worry, halfway through your first you won't be able to taste it, or anything else. Oh, and don't hold your piss in for too long, or you'll go blind. Yep, it's a scientific mystery alright.

So what the fuck are you doin' here, anyway? You come all this way just to ask me stupid fuckin' questions? I told you, I'm no fuckin' hero. I just flew the rest to wherever they needed to go and kicked the shit outta some monsters. How old are you, anyway? Yeah, thought so. Well, when I was your age, I wasn't chasin' some fuckin' guy I never met before so I could jack-off over him. I was learning my trade in Midgar. Livin' life. Gettin' fucked. Shit, man, what the fuck? You lookin' for stories? Well alright, I'll give you a goddamn _story_.

Back in the day, when I was about your age, I was workin' under Shinra learnin' to fl- fuck that, I was born knowin' how to fly. I was learnin' how to fly for people – you know, not go too fast for 'em, avoid turbulence 'cause people get nervous, that's the kinda shit you have to learn. Didn't know people were so fuckin' touchy 'bout flyin'. Anyway, workin' for Shinra, you occasionally gotta deal with the management…well even then, they were a bunch of fuckin' freaks that you didn't wanna be in close contact with. Over the years, most of the high-rankin' staff who weren't completely fuckin' nuts left…you never heard of 'em ever again. Only half-sane guy left by the time the whole meteor thing happened was Reeve, and he's robot-schizo guy. Fucker goes 'round drawing unwanted attention to me…I'm getting' off topic. What was I sayin'? Oh yeah, so this one time I get called into management's office…

You've heard of Scarlet, right? Well, she was the head of weapon development, but before that she was in charge of the flyin' personnel for a couple months, just. Guess the President realised she was better suited to weapons. So, she calls me in to her office, probably told me something or other…memory's not what it used to be. Well, pretty soon she's not talkin' about work, she's talkin' 'bout suckin' my dick. Yeah, just like that. Doesn't miss a beat. Exactly one second later, she's not talkin' 'bout it, she's doin' it.

Now, even at that age, I- what, I thought I'd said? Alright, I was about twenty-one, and I'd been around. Even then, I'd had more'n my share of women. But, you know, I'm watchin' that head bobbin' back and forth, I'm just starin', she's got her hair tied up in a bun…I knew I wasn't gonna last long. So I untied the bun, and watched her hair fall down over her face. I lasted about a minute, two at the most, before coming right in her mouth. Again, she doesn't miss a beat. She doesn't choke, doesn't spit it out, nothing. She just keeps at it 'til it goes down in her mouth.

Then she turns 'round, on all fours and hikes – is that the right word? Well, whatever – hikes her skirt up. Nah, sorry, it was a dress. Anyway, her blonde hair's hangin' down over her face, her ass is, well, it's _huge_, and she ain't wearin' panties. I've already got a boner the size of that broom over there, an- what? No, of course I don't fuckin' mean right now! I mean back then when I was getting' fellated. Anyway, do you know how rare the instant boner after comin' is, huh? From the look of you, you don't have a fuckin' clue. Believe me, it's rare. And she _knew_. She wasn't fazed by my comin' in her mouth before she'd had the chance to run out of breath, and she _knew_ I'd be ready immediately. Yeah, I've heard she got 'round, and yeah, she was fuckin' evil as they come, but the woman was a fuckin' genius.

You look embarrassed, mate. Well, you came lookin' for a fuckin' story, and not from just any ol' barfly, you wanted one from ol' Cid, and while he's drinkin' and all. You finished your beer yet? Right. Pete! Beers! Pete, ya deaf bastard! Al-co-hol! Fuckin' idiot.

Right, so- where was I? Oh, yeah, so she's wearin' no panties, right? That's important. And she's got this little red dress thing on, and she's hikin' it up, showin' me that ass. I'm hard. Pretty soon I'm down there, and I'm kissing that ass. Pretty symbolic, really. And- whaqt do you mean, "what's it symbolic of?" Jeez, I dunno, it's just symbolic. Don't look so disgusted, pal, we've all got our perversions. Anyway, that ass was perfect, man. Looked good, tasted good, only one or two spots…I was havin' a great time. Then after a couple seconds, she says "will you stop fuckin' about and fuck me properly". Well, I'm a gentleman. Woman tells you to fuck her, you fuck her.

It was good in there. No, man, in her pussy. I don't do asses. And I don't know why she did it. Not really. Like I said, she'd got herself a reputation, but I don't get why. Some guy I was pilotin' once, he said she lives off sex and power. For her, them two things are everything. I don't know if it's true…guess it doesn't matter anymore, since we killed her. Wish we hadn't done that. I have nightmares, sometimes. But anyway, yeah, her pussy. I was more in control, now, so I wasn't going to do the two-minute spurt again. Like I said, woman was a genius. She was so quiet, too. She was groanin', obviously, but in such a controlled way. She just made these beautiful little sounds.

Huh. So finally, the beer arrives. I was getting' sober for a second, there.

And when we were both done – together, man, she timed it _perfectly_ – she turned round, she kissed softly on the lips, I can still feel it, then she whispered in my ear "get the fuck out of my office". So I pulled up my pants, left the room, and walked my way past the staring eyes – yeah, I admit, I wasn't exactly quiet, myself – and the onslaught of _petit mort_, and- fuckin' hell, I'm soberin' up.

Pete! Beers, now!

So, what did you learn? Nothin', eh? Thought so. Actually, man, from the looks of it you've had too much to drink. Uh, Pete, could you help me carry this chump to the bathroom? I think he's about to be sick…yep, there he goes. Right, you drag him over to the bathroom, and I'll go and get my mop.


End file.
